Valentine's Day. If you are looking for another holiday that has such a love/hate/really hate relationship with its celebrators, You won't find it. And, Since you all know how much i love to shed a realistic view on the worlds hopelessly fallacious (read: wrong) views on national holidays, i've decided to give you all a very personal valentines day gift of wisdom.
A Brief History of St. Valentine: An Informative Account Through the Eyes of a Single Realist.
In 269 A.D. A Roman Catholic Priest by the name of Valentinus was banned from performing marriages to all younger couples by the roman emperor Claudius. Valentinus (known today as St. Valentine) defied all proper authorities and continued to marry younger couples "in the name of love" (obviously resulting in strike no. 1). In letting younger couples get married, the age limits on aforementioned marriages fell to disturbingly low standards, with couples as young as 12 participating in holy matrimony. (Why, Hello there strike no. 2) After performing many unlawful ceremonies, St. Valentine's fame began to rise uncontrollably, and he was eventually caught and imprisoned. While in Prison, St. Valentine (the hopeless romantic that he was) fell in love with the jailers Daughter, Resulting in an uncannily quick trial; (and a humorlarious strike no. 3). With The trial out of the way, (and the three strikes that obviously pushed it all WAY too far laughing on the sidelines), St. Valentine was called a degenerate, and then furiously stoned. When The bloody beating with large rocks was over, and the stones lifted off of his body, it became known that Valentinus had not yet died. So, he was horrifically beaten with clubs (yes, plural). However, Once again, St. valentine had proven to be quite the adversary when it came to being thrown a raging beating. He was then beheaded.
Let this be a lesson to corporate America and it's greed-driven advertisement propaganda.
Happy Valentine's Day
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